Monday, October 26, 2015

How to Survive a Horror Movie!!

In honor of it almost being Halloween I thought it would be both festive and helpful to share some of the best tips in regards to surviving a horror movie. All these tips are from the book How to Survive a Horrow Movie by Seth Grahame-Smith.
First off you have to determine if you are even in a Horrow movie. This is easy in that there are only three months Ina horror movie year: July, October, and December. Also, though there are 24 hours in a horror movie day 21 of those hours are at night. There are also multiple other tests to determine this. 
Second, you have to determine what type of horror movie you are in. The horror catagories include Slashers, Fangs, Evil Places and Things, the Undead, and of course Satanic 
Of course once you've discovered that you may have been sucked into a Terrorverse you must immediately "stop, drop, and roll" or, in the wise words of Seth Grahame-Smith, follow C.R.A.V.E.N.
(Cover, Recon, Arsenal, Vehicle, Escape, North) 
However just knowing all of this you still have to survive, so beware of the Seven Deadly Horror Movie Sins. 
1. Doubt 
2. Machismo 
3. Independence 
4. Ugliness 
5. Curiosity 
6. Irresponsibility 
7. Vehicular Sex 
So with the spooky season coming up "Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid." 
This incredibly helpful and absolutely hilarious book is really perfect for this time of year, not only does it help you with everything listed above but it also teaches you how to perform an exorcism, kill a vampire, vanquish a murderous doll, and so much more. 5/5 read 

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